Of illusions and depression

This has been the third time that I went into depression. Not the type which needs the help of anti-depressants nor of shrinks; just the type wherein I can't help but feel a little miserable and useless, the type which makes me rethink my life's purpose. I don't know where I stand. I have all the means to land a good job but I can't seem to find THAT RIGHT JOB. I admit that I have been very choosy with jobs coming my way --- I want this schedule with that pay with these perks...but who can blame me? I only wanted what I think is best for me and the people around me. Sure, I'll be able to "learn something" with this company but I just can't stand the killer schedule with an equally killer pay. Just imagine working 'till the wee hours and you'll get a measly pay; something which is just enough for my fare and food. How in the world will I survive in this cruel world where money seems to make it work when all I get for my hardwork is a few thousand pesos? Sure, I'll be able to have a fat paycheck but my life had to be rotated at a 180-degree, literally, answering a hundred calls from irate and stubborn callers. So where do I go? Life is really unfair, I know that for a fact. But can't somebody (or some company) change it a little? I'm getting a "little old", I hope that in two months time I'm able to "stabilize"; I am able to start my life, I want to have a life lived to the fullest. A life where I do what I want to do, have what I deserve to have and love until I can no longer love.