Thank God I Met Vain Hub

Hmm...instead of wallowing in depression, why don't I just "recap" my turbulent but wonderful moments with him. Hah, I'll call him Hub from now on, Vain Hub, hehe! =) I know I promised myself that I'm not going to talk about him on my journal but this doesn't count because this is a weblog not my old, reliable journal! Haha! When the truth sunk in, I thought I'm going to hate Tom Cruise for the rest of my life. Poor Tom who's only mistake is to be the lead actor in 'War of the Worlds'... Well, my ego was so darn bruised when I realized that Hub is actually asking another girl out to watch Tom Cruise's latest movie! (Okay, it just wasn't my ego but my whole being was crushed.) To think that I'm so thrilled when I read his message; I even told my sister that he's asking me out. Darn...that was embarassing. But all's well that ends well. I can never hate him. I was the one who gave in. I texted him. I just have to let him know that he's so good he made it. Now I know that I really loved the guy...actually, I still do but the big difference is I am not bound by that love anymore. I have let him go, remember? Let's just say that he will always have a special space in my left ventricle...hehe... I am now moving on and hopefully, I'll find "that guy" along the way. If Hub happens to be walking along until that time, probably he really is the one. If by that time he still doesn't feel the same about me then, it only means I am destined to be alone in life. But if by some "magical twist", Hub realizes that the one he's looking for is right beside him all along then, I'll live happily ever after. Until then...I'll continue walking and dreaming...until then...

Of illusions and depression

This has been the third time that I went into depression. Not the type which needs the help of anti-depressants nor of shrinks; just the type wherein I can't help but feel a little miserable and useless, the type which makes me rethink my life's purpose. I don't know where I stand. I have all the means to land a good job but I can't seem to find THAT RIGHT JOB. I admit that I have been very choosy with jobs coming my way --- I want this schedule with that pay with these perks...but who can blame me? I only wanted what I think is best for me and the people around me. Sure, I'll be able to "learn something" with this company but I just can't stand the killer schedule with an equally killer pay. Just imagine working 'till the wee hours and you'll get a measly pay; something which is just enough for my fare and food. How in the world will I survive in this cruel world where money seems to make it work when all I get for my hardwork is a few thousand pesos? Sure, I'll be able to have a fat paycheck but my life had to be rotated at a 180-degree, literally, answering a hundred calls from irate and stubborn callers. So where do I go? Life is really unfair, I know that for a fact. But can't somebody (or some company) change it a little? I'm getting a "little old", I hope that in two months time I'm able to "stabilize"; I am able to start my life, I want to have a life lived to the fullest. A life where I do what I want to do, have what I deserve to have and love until I can no longer love.

Bati na Kami...

After that incident, I told myself that I am not going to communicate with him anymore but I can't help it...I congratulated him because he's now an architect. =) I can never really hate him. =) With just one text message, we're okay...bati na kami... But that's just it, we're merely friends no more, no less...but I am happy.

EWAN...

I don't know why I have this other blog. As of this moment, I have two blogs and two journals. Can you imagine how chaotic my "written world" is? Well, I just love writing and I feel that I am being my real self---as in no inhibitions, no apprehensions whenever I write. But I still don't name names here...I do not want to jeopardize the people involved so I keep their names to myself. Anyway... I can proudly say that I have moved on, that I have let him go after seven years. Whew! It took me that long to finally realize that there can never be an "us". That it's futile if I'll continue feeling this way about him if I won't tell him straight to his face how I feel. Well, that's history and I'm moving on. I just wish that he's man enough to tell me that it was a mistake...a BIG, STUPID mistake when he asked me out to watch "War of the Worlds". I would have appreciated it if he apologized and told me that his phonebook went nuts and got our numbers mixed up (ours pertaining to The Girl and I )...but he didn't say a word. Hmm...I guess that's it...that is really it.